The Book of Cloud
by AngelicConquistador
Summary: Clouffie Yuffie's latest project is a book... On Cloud! Will he survive the interview questions, the parties, and especially will he and Rufus survive Yuffie's and Reno's wild sleep overs? Who knows, but at least we can find out along the way. NOT DEAD
1. Prologue

**Rei**: MWAHAHAHA! I'm back and ready for humorous action. This is one of my new humor stories I'm planning to write. I hope you enjoy it. :D This is also post-meteor and AC. I think I'm a little hyper… OwO; ) About two years or so.

**Dedicated to**- Kawaii Eyez, 0utfoxed, TerrisMoon, Beeria, thequietgenius, Garvas, Kage-chan, Kujaku, Rina-chan, Kunoichi Uchiha, basically everyone who has reviewed my one-shots and as well as all clouffie lovers. You guys rule.

**Disclaimer**- YES! I own all the Final Fantasy characters and the game! Haha, I don't. I was using reverse psychology… I wish I owned them, but unfortunately Square Enix owns FFVII and people. NOOO!

**Summary**: 'Yes, that is what I will do… Prepare yourself Spiky… The Great Ninja Yuffie is becoming an AUTHOR!' -- Basically Yuffie gets a great idea when she was suffering from boredom, and decides to write a 'special book' on the blonde-haired warrior himself. Oh god, Cloud's going to need therapy after this… Once a Ninja, now a Ninja-Stalker… Run Cloud run!

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**The Book of Cloud Prologue**

"Speech"

'Thought'

In Wutai, in the Pagoda-

Normal POV

'Oh. My. Gawd. I have nothing to doooooooo! After I died Godo's hair white, he made me MEDITATE in the freaking Pagoda! Augh! He knows I hate meditating. It's irritating. It makes you… SIT there for gawd-knows-how-long and find an 'inner peace'. The Great Ninja Yuffie is no monk! Only monks and weird people do that… I think. Haha. (Just so you know, I'm not making fun of anyone who does meditate.) I wonder what everyone is doing…'

Yuffie Kisaragi was not a happy 20 year old Ninja. She was a very BORED 20 year old Ninja. Thanks to Godo, she was sitting here. She had been doing him a favor, honestly! She helped along his changing hair color. He was already getting white hair, why should he care if it was all white? It saves you the pain of finding another, and yet another in the morning. She didn't call him old man for nothing. 'Hehe, maybe I should do this to Cid…' She thought evilly and laughed at the thought of a white-haired Cid. 'I bet he'd swallow his cancer sticks in shock!'

Now she was laughing evilly out loud too- uh oh, was that Chekhov checking in on her? 'Crap, pretend you're meditating… Grrr this is so boring I could fake cry. I need some pocky…'

Chekhov left soon afterward, and Yuffie blew out air in relief. 'Phew. But now what do I do? I still have 5 hours to go… Dang it.'

After the approximate time count of five minutes, Yuffie's thoughts were something like this: 'Meditating sucks ass. So does Godo. He should go stew in a big bucket of crap… I don't want to act like a proper lady. I could rule Wutai just like I am, right…? WHOA OMG I can't believe I actually am pondering about this kinda stuff! Yuffie, aren't you supposed to think about yourself? Well sure but Yuffie likes materia a LOT and tries to save her pretty Wutai, oh yes she does. Yuffie cares about Wutai, Yuffie cares about friends who are hot, like Cloud, mmmm Cloudy… … I could go for a sundae right now… Damn you Cloud, you make me HUNGRY!'

She didn't realize how weird that last comment made her sound. (Bwahahhahahaha **cough** **hack** **snort**) Or that she had been thinking in the third person for a little while. Now that her thoughts were on Cloud, she began to ponder about that big ol' chocobo-headed angst bucket. 'I wonder what he's doing now? I hope he's not moping over Aeris still… I mean, I was there too! I miss her! She was like my big sister… Grrr. If he's still moping, I should go over there and use my royal hiney to kick his un-royal hiney! For Leviathan's sake, she would've wanted him to move on, I'm sure she would've wanted him to. I'm surprised that he hasn't or Boobs hasn't called yet screaming about how they're going to get engaged, married, blah blah blah. I guess she doesn't have as much courage as she normally does. But somehow I can't see them together, it just looks weird…'

She kept thinking about the blonde-headed warrior for the remainder of meditation time, never even noticing that it was starting to get dark. Someone can sure come up with a list of things about Cloud, huh? Lets take a peek at Yuffie's list of 'Cloudiness' that's been scribbled on a piece of memo pad paper. MWAHA.

'The Great Ninja Yuffie's List of… CLOUDINESS'

'Reasons why Cloud is Cloudy: He carries around a biiiiiig sword (no matter what kind it is, it's always big enough to make you into chop-suey), he has motion sickness (LIKE ME! We have so much in common!), he's got hair the color of a chocobo (That always stands out in a crowd), he's hot (for an angst-bucket. At least he's not leaky (as in crying all the time)), he's the leader of AVALANCHE (Barret, you so totally lost your position! HA!), he's got the coolest blue eyes ever (they're all… BLUEY! Full of mako energy), he carries the best materia (That's gonna be MY materia soon… Nyuck nyuck), he (along with ME and the rest of AVALANCHE) beat the crap out of Sephiroth, he hugged me when I needed it (When Aeris died, HE LET ME HUG HIM! OMG! SQUEE!), he's got SPIKY HAIR! (It's so spiky… I've yet to find out if he uses hair gel or not), he's hot (so what if I wrote it twice? I'm trying to get a point across.), and there were more scribbled across the page.

After scanning over all her material in the memo pad, she thought to herself, 'whoa. I could so be a writer like this. I took so much time to write about ONE PERSON! Spikes should feel HONORED! Hey… In fact I think I've got an idea… Heheheheheh…'

'Mmmmm, okay. I'm going to write about Cloud, because if I tried to write about someone else, like Vinnie per say, I'd probably end up screaming on paper 'VAMPIRE!' a bazillion times. Same with Tifa, except it would be 'AHHHH BOOBS! BIG TITS, EWWW THE GROSSNESS'. Sorry Teef, but they are so big they're scary! Cid would be 'Old-man-who's-going-to-die-from-smoking-himself-to-ashes', or just to be short, 'Old Man.' Mwhaha. Barret is going to be 'Marshmallow' or 'Marsha' (I didn't come up with those nicknames, other people have, so give credit to them). Red XIII aka Nanaki is 'Mr. Flamey Butt' because he's got a freaking fire on his tail! Put it out I say, put it out, before you- AHHH OMG OLD MAN YOUR PANTS ARE ON FIRE! Oh, sorry about that. I was reminiscing about a funny memory… Cid running around screaming 'MY ASS' ON FIRE!' was the funniest thing I've ever seen, excluding that time Aeris showed me a picture of Cloud dressed in drag. OMG. LOL.'

'Oh yeah, and Cait would be 'Cat-with-infinite-lives' because he NEVER dies! Isn't there something weird with that! I swear, Reeve LIKES torturing us all. Grrr, Reeve, I am sobleaching your hair white the next time I see you… That and I'm shoving my shuriken up your ass. NYUCK NYUCK.'

So after all these thoughts her time was up, and she jumped for joy. 'YESSSSSSS! I'm out of here!' She left the Pagoda and went to her room, full of glee. 'I have something to occupy my time now. I don't have to take these lessons, I've already learned them, even though he thinks I haven't.'

She sat on her bed and looked outside her window. She sighed, it was now dark outside and she was tired. She had training exercises, a whole bunch of them before she had conveniently died Godo's hair and gotten meditation as a punishment. She stretched and yawned. 'No no no, I have to finish my plotting! Bad Yuffie, if you ever want to bug the heck out of Cloud, we must finish this… Yes, finish this and then we can get to our dear old friends Bed and Pocky. Nyuck nyuck nyuck.'

So then, after finalizing some ideas, and creating a more solid outline, Yuffie thought to herself triumphantly, 'Yes, that is what I will do… Prepare yourself Spiky… The Great Ninja Yuffie is becoming an AUTHOR!'

The hyper 20 year old put away her memo pad in a special compartment underneath her bed and locked it. Hey, no use letting anyone else besides herself steal, right? She smirked as she thought about her idea. The more she thought about it, the more she liked it. The thought of following Choco-Boy around and writing stuff about him sounded like so much fun… And she was looking forward to it. With a few 'nyucks' here and there, she went to sleep with a very happy outlook for tomorrow. (For her, at least. Cloud, I pity you… **Hugs Cloud**)

End of Prologue

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**Rei**: I'm sorry that was kind of short, forgive me. I hope it wasn't… TOO random at times, I tried to make this as Yuffie-ish as humanly possible. I'm sure it doesn't help that I was hyper when I wrote this… Well, if it didn't suck too bad, I hope you like it and look forward to reading more. Please review, for the sake of motivating me and getting me off my high horse. (Writer's block has me in its clutches for one of my stories, but not this one) Thanks for reading! 


	2. Chapter 1: Off to Edge We Go!

**Rei**: OMG! You guys are so nice to me! **Squee** Thanks for all the reviews, I enjoyed them immensely and I'm happy that you all weren't mad at me for the prologue length. Mwaha. I'm in the mood to update, so I hope you all enjoy the chapter. And also… Some 'friends' may join the games later. Hehe. That may be when this story gets even CRAZIER than it already is. Mwaha. Have fun.

**Dedicated to**- My lovely reviewers: Kawaii Eyez (much love to you), LastCetra (did ya get my PM? Well anyway don't worry about Reeve), Garvas (too kind!), 0utfoxed (Yes, it's a regular source of entertainment for me too.), Kunoichi Uchiha (thank you!), Monica (awww, I feel so loved, thanks for the praise), Yuffie Leonhart (yes I thought that was funny too, especially the mental image I got. LOL. Thank you!), the oro-ing elf (I LOVE your penname! It's so awesome! And thanks, me too.), Sir Yzal (Thank you so much!), and as well as my best friends. I love you all. Also to Kage, HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!

**Disclaimer**- Rei: Announcing the disclaimer today instead of me is LOZ! And it's because I'm bored… And my friend loves Loz. Yesh that means you, Darcy.

Loz: Do I really have to do this…?

Rei: Are you kidding me? Listen to your 'Mother'!

Loz: But the last time that happened, all of your 'friends' appeared and blew her up…

Rei: So…? In my dream you all called me mother…which was creepy… Just say it, and I'll give you your bike back.

Loz: FINE… **Sniffle** Chaotic Rei does not own Final Fantasy VII, Advent Children, Sour Patch kids, or InuYasha. But she does own Spikeh Strife aka Quackers.

**NOTE**: I am going away on vacation from the 29th to the ninth of July. I won't have any computer access but I'll appreciate your reviews all the same.

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**The Book of Cloud Chapter One- Off to Edge We Go**

"Speech"

'Thought'

Still in Wutai, in the Chocobo Stables (If they don't have one there… Well they do now! Mwaha)-

Yuffie's POV

I have just arrived outside the Chocobo Stables of Wutai… Mwaha. Nobody noticed me leaving my house, thanks to my uberly AWESOME ninja skills. Well, except for that weird old lady from across the street who wears kitchenware as hats. But she doesn't necessarily count (OMG A BIG WORD!) 'cause I'm just too quick for her senile old eyes to follow! NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK.

I opened the doors and immediately the smell of Chocobo and their… should I say 'products' greeted me. Ewww… Where are those grooms? They're supposed to take care of them better. PAY DEDUCTION FOR YOU, NINCOMPOOPS! Hehe. That's a funny word… Like dastard! (A/n: IT IS! Mwaha) I should so call the Old Man that next time I see him. Nyuck.

Anyway, I walked into the stable and headed straight for the stall and in which my sweet chocobo stood in. His name: QUACKERS. No, not really. It's actually… … Don't tell anyone but it is… Spikeh Strife. Nyuck. Kinda stupid, but it's funny in a way. I just call him Quackers because sometimes, he's about as sane as I am. Which isn't much, but who cares? (A/n: Maybe the people you live with… XD) As you can guess, he's a very pretty chocobo. He's a whitish-gold chocobo with these awesome blue eyes. See? That's why I named him after Cloud. It's his animal form. Or I guess you could say POULTRY form… Nyuck nyuck.

He's also incredibly cute. Sometimes he does stuff he shouldn't have, and you get mad at him, but then he's all guilty looking and he has those damnable adorable cute blue eyes. He hangs his head like he's about to get executed, but you can't get the image of those eyes out of your head. He's like a puppy… Or better yet those Sour Patch kids you see in the commercials. LOL. Cloud reminds me of one of those too, because when he looks guilty he has that SAME CUTE FACE (well maybe not the same)… Argh. Cloud, sometimes I wish you weren't so cute. But then again, it wouldn't be the same… Poop. At least if you were a Sour Patch kid I wouldn't eat you… I think. (0.o)

Wait a minute, what am I saying! The day Cloud stops being cute AND hot is the day Nanaki will fly in the air with a girl in a skin-tight suit with a giant boomerang on him. …HOLD THE PHONE! OMG! That could actually happen… I think. Gawd. I need to stop watching so much InuYasha. It's affecting my MIND! ……….But I do think that if Kirara were real she could so get together with Nanaki. Kinda. She doesn't talk though… Oh well!

I greeted my chocobo with a loud "HIYA QUACKERS!" Spikeh jumped from where he was in his stall, and then he looked at me with a slightly pissed look. I pouted. "Aww, not happy to see me? Well, you should be. We're going to go visit Cloudy!" Spikeh aka Quackers warked, seeming to cheer up a little. YAY!

I put on his chocobo-bridle thing and set a pad on his back. I mean, I don't want a sore butt. Next thing you know I'll be wondering why I didn't put a pad/saddle thingy on. SO, to avoid a severely-abused-but-still-sexy-tushie I put a pad on his back. I am thinking ahead! Vinnie would be so proud of me! **Cue cheesy grin here** Nyuck nyuck nyuck. Maybe I should bother the vampire too. Maybe not, he might go demon on me and then I'd be forced to kick his butt. Well, maybe not… But I could try!

I then also tied my bags to the strap that held his pad to his body. I needed my stuff, just like any other person. So then I led him out the door, ignoring the warks of the other chocobos. "Nope, sorry guys, but you'll see Chocoboy later." (Chocoboy meaning Cloud) I kicked open the door (Not too inconspicuous is she? XD) and then leaped onto Spikeh's back. I leaned forward and whispered into his ear, "Ride on Spikeh! Lets go to Edge!"

He warked in excitement and then he leaped into a super-fast gallop. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! My chocobo is the fastest there is, except… URK… Ehehe, my stomach is starting to act up a little…. Hopefully I won't blow chunks on him. And I certainly don't want Spikes seeing me like this! I swallowed, and tried my hardest to keep my thinking off my poor stomach…

Five minutes later… 'Well that didn't work…' "Ulp!" 'How frickin' far are we from Edge, anyway? And Spikes BETTER BE THERE… Or I will be forced to raid his underwear drawer. Hmmm… I could ask him that question for my story… OMG! I could picture it now:

Yuffie: "HEY SPIKES! Do you wear boxers or… **giggle** briefs?"

Cloud: "…….."

Yuffie: **Grinning** "Or how about… nothing at all?"

Cloud: "…."

Yuffie: "Or maybe… OMG Cloud I can't believe you wear women's underwear! Seriously!"

Cloud: "Yuffie, shut up."

'Or maybe I could just plain old raid it… Hehe. He might Omnislash my ass if he finds out, but HEY! I'm the Great Ninja Yuffie, of course he won't! Stealth is my forte! (Is that even a word? I forgot --) Well, as long as Boobs doesn't find out and snitch on me. Sometimes I swear she likes ruining my fun. HMPH! We all know she'd just love to take a peek too. Or even more than that. I always knew she had a bad obsession… But this is Tifa! She'd never admit it, just hide it behind a sickly sweet-but-still-nice smile. Ah well. She's my best friend, besides Cloudy, Renoand Twinkletoes! (Vincent. I gave him that nickname… all because of his awesome boots. LOL.) Well I don't know if he considers us friends, but I do! 'Cause I'm nice and Vinnie needs friends. Awww. He and Cloud should open up more, and then run their own angsty coffee shop where all the weird jazz people go. LOL. But I'd love the coffee. It makes me hyper. (No offense intended to anybody!)

As I get my head out of my thoughts, 'wait a minute! That didn't make sense! Argh. Oh well…' I looked ahead and wistfully wished I had a motorcycle like Cloud's. OH COME ON… it's sexy! And I bet he listens to music when nobody's around. That is so like him! I bet he secretly listens to Sephiroth's theme. No really. It's so cool! Even IF he was one insane and evil crazy cracker! Now I really wish I could listen to something, 'cause all I hear is my own theme and a mix of the chocobo theme. Weird, but catchy! (I have NO idea if it is… This is Yuffie here, peoples)

And speaking of chocobos, I had the weirdest dream last night… Y'know that one dude, named Loz? Yeah, the one I like to call Little John? (Again, that was me with the nicknames again.) Shortest silver hair and freaky green eyes? Yeah. That one. Well, he was in my dream last night.

Remember how Cloud said he was driving out on the wasteland when all of a sudden two silver haired guys named Little John and Mr. Pretty- **cough** I mean Loz and Yazoo? Well he was telling me about this. And so in my dream, Spikes is driving on his sexy black motorcycle when all of a sudden Loz appears, and he grips his electric thingy on his arm before he goes, "license and registration… Chicken fucker!" and tries to zap Cloud. LOL. It would've been a lot funnier if Cloud was actually ON a chocobo! (The quote isn't mine, it was from some other movie that I can't remember at the moment but the reason it's here was because I saw it in a parody of AC. LOL. So funny!)

And to continue my freakishly weird yet funny dream, they fight, like how he told us, and then at the end, Yazoo goes 'Hey brother! Lets play William tell!' And then he shoots Spiky's awesome sunglasses off! NOOOOOO! I loved those sunglasses! Cloud stops and then he glares at him and goes, "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" In a really high-pitched voice. LOL. And then, Mr. Flamey Butt appears with little mini Reds and then the Circle of Life song plays from Lion King! It was sooo weird! Yet it kind of made sense…

Well anyway I just wasted 10 minutes recounting this! Spikeh warks really loud to shake me out of my thoughts. That worked pretty well actually…

All of a sudden I feel a buzzing in my pocket, and then the uberly awesome 'victory theme' plays. Just so you all know, I had that ring tone first. Little John copied me because he couldn't decide if the Jenova ring tone was appropriate to use in front of Robin Hood and Mr. Pretty. (Robin Hood isKadaj. Me being silly again.) 'HOW DARE YOU STEAL MOTHER'S SONG!' Is what I could imagine now. Wait a minute, I just did. Ah well… I flipped open the phone and it was Reno! I wonder what that turkey could want? I could only guess. He's one of my other best friends too. NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERV… But yeah. Still a good friend. We have parties where we basically dress up as someone else and then go stalk Rufus. It's so much fun! We like to sneak up behind him and then spin his wheelchair around. LOL. But anyway, he's talking. (Rufus fans, don't kill me. It's just for humor, and they never hurt him. XD)

"Yuffie, are ya there! I'm talking to ya, so answer yo!"

"Whoops, sorry there Turkey boy! What cha want?" I grinned. Reno never really called unless he wanted to schedule another sleep over. And just so you all know, I sleep in the guest room while he sleeps in his! I'm not a pervert unless it comes to Clo- I mean NOBODY! Yuffie doesn't get dirty thoughts… ehehe.

"I wanted to see if you could come over again sometime this week. Although we've got ta keep it on the down low, yo, 'cause Rufus said he'd give me a pay deduction if we pushed him down the stairs again." (Okay… Maybe just a little. **Dodges knives** Be kind to my mistakes!)

"That fruit always says that to you Reno, and yet he never does! I think he likes you!" I teased. (I always call him a fruit because of how his hair looked orange in the game… and so there he is an orange, which is a fruit! I win! XD)

"Don't even THINK like that, stick girl. That's horrible, yo!" I could just picture him shuddering over the phone. LOL!

"Haha, ya know I'm kidding. But I dunno if I can, 'cause I'm planning on visiting Spiky and spying on him for this new idea I got." I then did my evil ninja laugh (Nyuck). And then I added as I realized it: "I am not a stick girl, and you know it!" Yes that's right people, I am not a stick girl anymore! I've got curves to show it, and for once I don't look like a little girl next to Tifa. I'm a freaking 20-year-old woman, it's about time I look it.

"What kind of idea? Were you planning on confessing that little crush ya had on him for forever?" OOOOH I bet he was smirking on the other line. Ass.

"I was going to spy on him… I have the power to become an authoress, and I plan to use it with my subject matter, Cloud. 'Cause I couldn't really write as much about anyone else."

"Yeah… How are you planning to write this? Are you sure you won't be able to write something other than 'he's gorgeous' all over the pages?"

"Of COURSE I can! I'm the Great Ninja Yuffie after all! Nothing escapes me and my attention won't with this project!" I would keep that declaration in my heart, and I promised myself that I wouldn't abandon it. It was one of the best things I thought of for a long time… And this time I would act upon it.

"All right… So where you heading to?"

"I'm going to Edge. I dunno where else he'd be, and if he's not there when I get there he's gonna get his ass handed to him."

"Right… Well I got to go, yo. I have another assignment to do…" I could faintly hear him grumble something like 'damn Rufus' and I giggled.

"Okay, see ya later you turkey. And say hi to Rude and everybody for me!" It might seem weird but we all had become good friends. However, to Cloud's frustration, they STILL won't join AVALANCHE. LOL. Oh well.

"Yeah yeah… Bye Yuffie." And then there was a click. I closed my awesome phone and stuck it in my pocket. While I had been talking, I didn't even notice any traces of motion sickness! WOW! Talking DOES help sometimes!

A few minutes later Spikeh warked to me and I looked up, and smiled with delight. 'FINALLY! I've arrived in Edge!' I jumped off of Spikeh and patted him. "Good job, Spikeh!" I took my bags off of him and then I gave him a hug. "You go hang out with Chocobo Billy, mmkay? You can see Cloudy later."

He warked in response and then took off for the Chocobo farm. I watched him go, and thought with excitement what Cloud and Boobs would think when I showed up out of the blue. Most importantly, what Cloud thought… I shook my head and then I said, "Well, I gotta go find them. Be prepared everyone! The fun is just beginning!"

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End of Chapter One

**Rei**: Okay, the ending kinda sucked… and the chapter was full of random stuff, but hey I hope at least you enjoyed it enough to review! …Pretty please? I won't be able to update for a while because of my vacation and seeing comments is nice. So review!


	3. Chapter Two: I Spy A Ninja

**Rei**: Oh HELL yeah you guys are AWESOME! **Hugs reviewers** I just came back from vacation and those of you who wished me well are freaking awesome! And so are my other reviewers too. Thanks so much, I'm glad you are enjoying my randomness (or you might say Yuffie's) and the humor. I love entertaining people. W00t!

As for a further note I must say I have dreamt so much this past week… And most of it was about FFVII! I was like HOLY SHIT! In one, I had identity crisis and thought I was Yuffie but when other people looked at me they thought I was Sephiroth… And I ran into Vinnie after going down a waterfall! 00 Weirdness! But it was so cool.

**Dedicated to**- Kage (Did ya have a good bday?), MissCourtney002 (Thanks! I'm glad you liked it), the oro-ing elf (I just do… XD Thanks! And that's alright), Hawk of the North (Yay applause! And I am like that… I like details. LOL.), Kawaii Eyez (OMG thanks XD **hugs** you too! You're one of my fav reviewers), KuRoxTeNsHi (YOU READ IT! W00t!), FLUFFYTIGER (LOL I know and thanks so much! You rule dude), Yuffie Leonheart (LOL I would smack him. And I can too… O.O), silver chocobo15 (PM explains everything… thanks XD), Monica (I positively adore your reviews! It makes me feel worthy XD love ya!), and LostxRaine (You reviewed two times in a row! Thanks! XD). Also dedicated toKurisutaru (Stop changing your name, dammit.It will confuse me. LOL.)aka Rina. You know who you are.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything here but the plot, and Spikeh Strife. "BELIEVE IT!" –Naruto I don't own that either… Or Gatorade. Shut up and leave me alone! **Cries** But review first. W00t!

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**The Book of Cloud Chapter Two- I Spy A Ninja**

"Speech"

'Thought'

_Flashback_

In Edge-

Yuffie's POV

If there was a prize for stealth, I would SO FREAKING WIN! Right now, I'm jumping onto the tops of buildings, just 'cause I'm so good. W00t! And I already have my plan of attack. When I find Cloud, and spot him leaving to go into the city, to shop or something like that, I'm gonna dress up as different people, annoy, interview, and spy on him! He won't know it's me, because HELLO I'm the Great Ninja Yuffie, I can disappear in seconds! BELIEVE IT! Well anyway, my first outfit will be the typical mother who's lost her beloved child/children. I'm sure he's gullible enough to believe my act… You've seen it everyday! I swear! If I had kids, I would watch them or make sure they're smart enough to know where to go if I lose 'em. But then again, if I had children, they'd have to be mine and - … **Insert Instant Blush Here** … GAH! Stupid Reno is turning me into a pervert! I'm going to KEEEL him when I see him! (Emphasized 'kill'… Gawd I LOVE to do that!)

Well anyway, where the h-e-double hockey sticks is Spiky! He never ceases to amaze and confuse me. He is the Wonder Blonde, the man with almost permanent PMS! Well it seemed to be that way when I first met him, and then he mellowed out just a bit. W00t! And two years ago, at the Church, I think he finally started to forgive himself. Even tho' he shoulda never felt like he had to, because it wasn't his fault, and Aeris totally agreed. I remember him telling me… Gawd I miss her. It's times like this I wish she'd play the adult version of 'Dress Up Yuffie' with me. Also known as SHOPPING! When you only have Boobs taking you shopping, it's not as much fun because since Aeris is gone she keeps trying to make me dress in skirts and those weird tops… Yuck. I don't wear skirts, unless I want to, which is never, so… yeah. I don't wear skirts. Normally I hated shopping too Unless it was materia but thanks to those two I've changed… NOOOOES! **Five seconds later** Oh well.

And speaking of Boobs, I'm near her bar! Maybe Spiky is in there… I dropped down from my current resting place- WHOA that makes me sound like I'm dead! A ghost! Or the undead! HOLY SHIT I'VE BECOME VINNIE! AHHH… Okay BUILDING, I landed on the ground and succeeded in scaring the crap out of some little kids who looked at me with frightened and yet amazed looks. OOOH it must be like in the commercials, I bet this is what is going through their head:

Kid One: It's a bird…!

Kid Two: It's a plane…!

Kid Three: OMG it's a Ninja who killed Superman!

…NYUCK! I killed Superman, w00t! Okay so maybe that never happened, or why I would know who Superman is. The authoress just decided to stick that there and see if it would actually amuse somebody. Boy, she sucks. (Me: Boohoo)

Maybe I should drop in and say hi to Teef. Of course her, in all her goodliness, would scream "YUFFIE" and then she'd glomp me and her enormous boobs would squish me and I'd die, then they'd all cry at my funeral while my epitaph reads: 'Yuffie Kisaragi, born blah blah blah, died blah blah blah, cause of death: Suffocation by abnormally large yoo-hoos. Beloved Ninja, Friend, and Princess of Wutai.' And Cloud would profess his undying love for me and then kill himself out of so much misery because he let me be flattened by Tifa's chest. And then, we'll have a party in the Lifestream with Aeris and her boyfriend Zack, and Cloud can be mine 'YESH', and then we can all play strip poker with Robin Hood, Mr. Pretty, Little John, and Sephiroth! W00t! And just to score future good points with Vinnie, we'll invite Lucrecia too! SCHWING!

Oh I am so damn good. But maybe I should check if the coast is clear. HAHA. Coast. It's too bad I'm not in Costa Del Sol… Hmm… Cloud in swim trunks… yummy. … Gawd damn it my thoughts wander WAAAAAY too much. Maybe I shouldn't have had those last five bottles of Gatorade. I gotta sneak into Teef's bathroom, just so long as no one's in it. AND it better have locks too, or I am going to MURDER Boobs for making me remember that one incident…

_We Now Enter The Matrix…**Cough **I Mean Yuffie's Flashback. (And by the way, this was a little while after she joined AVALANCHE, so she didn't know Cloud as well yet.) _

_Yuffie was merrily taking a shower in the bathroom on the Highwind. She scrubbed her scalp with her shea-butter scented shampoo, which smelled YUMMY! It also had coconut, sesame, and sunflower seed oils in it. It smelt almost like HEAVEN, key word almost, because in her opinion, Cloud smelled like Heaven. 'Mmm… sexy Heaven. Nyuck.'_

_She rinsed that out of her hair when she was through, and applied the sequel sweet-smelling conditioner. After that was done, she rinsed that, and did all her other daily things to appease her demand to be clean. She turned off the shower and wrung out what little hair she could manage into a tiny ponytail. However, she was distracted by her thoughts, and didn't hear some one come in._

_Blond hair, blue eyes, boots smacked the floor in a loud stomp, Cid Highwind (HA! I bet you thought it was Cloud, huh?) took a long drag on his cigarette before he turned on the faucet to run some water and wash his hands._

_Yuffie was startled out of her thoughts when she heard the water running, and tentatively peeked out of the corner of her eyes. All she saw was blonde hair, and she shrieked, "CLOUD! YOU PERVERT! GET THE HELL OUTTA THE BATHROOM YOU SICKO!"_

_Cid heard the yell and turned around, cigarette dangling from his lips. "THE HELL you screeching for, you fucking banshee! I'm not Cloud you fucking dumbass!"_

"_Well EXCUSE me you friggen wannabe ash-tray, I was in the bathroom! KNOCK FIRST!" 'God I hate you stupid old man! I can't believe he doesn't have LOCKS installed!'_

_Cloud had heard his name called and walked into the bathroom, saying, "What's the problem!" He hadn't heard the 'pervert' jab. _

_Yuffie, who had been hiding her body with the shower curtain, turned cherry red. 'Oh SHIT!' _

_Cid grinned in delight. 'Here's payback for you barfing all over my baby!' Indeed she had accidentally tossed her cookies all over the airship. He smirked and said, "The fucking brat thought you were a pervert because she thought YOU were in the fucking bathroom!"_

_Yuffie bristled; he was trying to get her in trouble with Cloud! 'That bastard!' She was very flustered still and muttered angrily, "Cloud, it's not my fault he doesn't have LOCKS on these damn doors! The Old Man is a secret closet pervert, and he almost SAW me!"_

"_OH yeah! Like's there's anything to see, brat!" He shot back._

"_WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY…!" She was about ready to strangle the blonde-haired pilot, but the only thing holding her back was the fact that she had no towel. 'DAMMIT!'_

_She turned to Cloud, enraged. "SPIKES, you have ta smack him for me!"_

"…" _No answer from the chocobo-colored crayon man called Cloud. (YES, he is a crayon now! LOL.)_

"_Pleaaaaaaaaaaaase?" She pleaded, anger fading from her like a fuse going out._

"_Yuffie, you should learn to fight your own battles and not accuse someone based off their own hair color." He said flatly, seriously, and walked out._

_Her mouth dropped and she gaped while Cid laughed. "Boy, he fucking showed you!" And then he walked out, laughing away._

_As soon as he was gone she jumped out, grabbed a towel, and slammed the door shut. And from that day on, she listened to Cloud's words, but still felt a stab of resentment towards them for that one incident._

_And Now… We Return To Yuffie's Head._

'That was SO fucking unfair… Damn Cid. I should beat him again for that…' I didn't feel much of the anger towards Cloud anymore, just at Cid. I'm slowly getting over it, but I don't like that memory still. It frickin' PISSED me off, dammit. I'm going to double-check and make sure there are locks…

I made my way towards the bar, which looked pretty good from the outside, and then when I was close enough, I climbed up the building next to it, on a different side. There was a ladder, and inwardly I was going 'OH YEAH!' Little Chibi Yuffies were jumping for joy; it (the ladder) just made my job easier! 'W00t!' Of course, I could have just scaled the building, but a ladder made it much nicer. Except… when it fell backwards with ME ON IT!

All the Chibi Yuffies that were jumping for joy got squished. 'OWWWW! I would have almost preferred Teef's killer hooters over this! At least then I would have DIED!' I pried myself loose from underneath the evil ladder. "OH. You have earned yourself a place in Yuffie's To-KILL book, you son of a bitch!" In a brief flash of paranoia, I proceeded to cut the ladder into nice tiny metal pieces with my trusty Conformer. NYUCK! "And that's why you don't mess with the GREAT Ninja Yuffie!" I kicked a piece and watched it roll away and hit the wall with a loud 'CLANK' in satisfaction. But then my current situation reminded me of a place I needed to find, and I started to climb the wall. Not monkey-climb in lightning speed, like SOMEONE I know (**cough** Reno **cough** But we love him anyway XD), but I climbed up a bit more gracefully.

I was almost to the top when I heard a masculine voice say, "What do we have here?" Another voice joined him, one that sounded female. "Slashed metal… a ladder? That's what made the loud noise?"

I froze, my blood felt like it turned to ice, quite literally speaking. I recognized those voices. 'CRAPPLES!' I used a sudden adrenaline rush to boost myself up rapidly, and landed on the top of the building with a small thump. I prayed on the inside that they hadn't heard that. '…I was supposed to find YOU, Cloud! GAWD! You ruined my plans!' I wailed inwardly.

"Maybe… Maybe not." Oh I could just melt, if I wasn't praying that I was about to be found out. 'DARN IT, I wanted the element of surprise!' I knew I was acting like a kid again, but I couldn't help it at times. It was part of who I am, and part of the child I had never gotten to be, thanks to that stupid war between Wutai and Shinra… And my idiot father, Godo. Stupid jerk.

"What do you mean Cloud?" Asked Boobs. I tentatively peeked over the edge, and studied them. Of course, my eyes drifted to Cloud first. Ahhhh, he was still super sexy! He was wearing his black outfit again, and it was AWESOME. Even better than his SOLDIER uniform, but hey- he was still gorgeous either way. I looked at his beautiful spiky hair and grinned. 'Still the same bright color…' And I glanced at his eyes. SOOO HOT! Expressive, and they looked like liquid sapphires. 'Scrumptoulescent… And MAGICALLY MAKOLICIOUS!' (Scrumptoulescent is a word my brother made up, I think. Unless someone else did, credit goes to him or her. But I LOVE saying that word, and LOL magically makolicious. I crack myself up)

For a second, I thought his eyes looked up towards mine, and I gasped on the inside and pulled my head back, heart pounding like Vinnie when he's shooting Death Penalty, except my heart doesn't go BANG, it goes KA-BOOMF! … That almost sounds like one of Barret's farts… EWWW! (0.o I can't believe I just wrote that. Ewww…) 'I REALLY hope Cloudy didn't see me…'

* * *

Cloud's POV (FINALLY! W00t! Mwahaha)-

Tifa and I were in her bar, her making drinks for the customers while I rang up the prices of each drink when I heard a loud CRASH from outside the bar. For a moment, a blessed silence fell over the noisy temporary inhabitants, but then, after a few moments, it bubbled back to life again.

However, with my enhanced hearing, I heard some slashing noises. I looked at Tifa, and she had heard a little bit of it too, and with the volume of the din in here I was sure she might have not. But we exchanged looks, and we left one of the girls Tifa had hired to waitress in charge.

I was in front, with Tifa right behind me. I could tell she was a little bit worried, and knew the thought going through her mind: 'What happened? Is someone hurt? Is there someone trying to break in?' I smiled a tiny bit. 'Same old Tifa.' We were best friends, with a deep friendship that would last forever unless I screwed something up…. But I knew that whatever she felt for me beyond friendship could never be returned… I don't care for Tifa in that sense. She is like my sister… And somehow, I think she knows. ('Kay, just wanted to clear that up. CLOUD DOES NOT LIKE LIKE TIFA. End of story. LOL. Lets continue.)

We made it to the alley on the side of the building. (I think I forgot to mention that, but incase you didn't notice, that was kind of the feeling I got when I wrote the ladder part.) "What do we have here?" I said, and I looked down, and saw the remains of a metal and rusty ladder.

Tifa spoke up from beside me. "Slashed metal… A ladder? That's what made the loud noise?" She peered at it a bit, with one hand on her hip. Tifa wore her usual outfit, but it was in a dark shade of red that matched her brown eyes tinted red. It looked nice on her, and I had told her so earlier today. She flushed and muttered a quiet "thank you."

"Maybe… maybe not," I replied. I knelt down beside some of the remains and looked at them. 'Clean cuts,' I noted. 'Could only have been made with a sharp and refined edge, placed on a weapon designed for slashing, and cutting. Possibly aerodynamic…'

"What do you mean Cloud?" Tifa didn't understand, but then again she probably didn't look at it enough to see what I saw.

I looked upwards, and saw something that surprised me. Dark brown hair hung off a half-concealed head whose eyes shone a most beautiful shade of gray… '…Is it her?' Those eyes widened, long lashes fluttered and then disappeared. Yep. It couldn't not have been her. A smirk tugged at my lips. 'I spy a ninja…'

I then turned to Tifa to explain to her. "Tifa, if you look closer, you can see that the edges were cut clean enough to show that the ladder was sliced by a weapon. One that is designed for that type of thing. Even though the ladder was rusty, I suspect the owner may have not been pleased and decided to take his or her anger out on it."

Tifa nodded. "I see… But I guess they're gone now, right?" Her eyes shone with a bit of curiosity and worry. She didn't want the bar to be attacked, it was plain. However, she was more than a match for a common thief. 'She worries too much and yet… This is no common thief.'

I decided to humor her and play hero. "I'll stay behind and look for more clues. If I find them, I'll beat them up. You go back to the bar."

(I forgot to mention that Cloud has the Ultima weapon with him… -.- Sorry.)

She nodded, knowing fully well that Cloud could take care of himself. Still, she worried. "Alright, I'll go, but you come back soon, okay?"

I nodded, and then she left. I turned to the wall of the building. "Alright, I saw you, come out."

A shape rose from the building and then jumped down, landing perfectly… on her ass. I laughed a little bit at her clumsiness.

Yuffie rubbed her sore behind as she started to rise. "Yeah, thanks, I slip, and get no help. Ass."

"I apologize." I stuck out my leather-clad hand and she slid her fingers into my grasp and got up with my help.

"Well, ya apologized too late AFTER you laughed at me." She huffed and turned her head away, long hair swishing in the breeze. Her arms were crossed over her now much-more noticeable chest, and her form had taken a womanlier one. As much as some people believed, I wasn't blind. I could see… Cleavage! (LOL)

Yuffie had thrown her arms around me while I had been distracted… (**Cough** Oh yea my boy, DISTRACTED… LOL.) And to my surprise she was almost has tall as me! The kunoichi really HAD grown in recent years.

I'm sure a tiny blush had come over my face, as much as I fought to prevent it. It wasn't as bad as it was with Teef… … I am surrounded by things I'd rather NOT be more often than should be allowed... (Poor Cloud is afraid of Tifa's jugs! I would be too. 00)

Yuffie mumbled into my neck, "I MISSED YA! Why don't you ever swing by Wutai, huh? You could drop me a few calls more often too, you know."

I smiled a bit ruefully. "I'm sorry Yuff…" I gave her a hug back, because if I didn't, I'd probably feel bad later. (Awww… Cloud would feel guilty. Or so I would make him feel. MWAHA.)

(Now it's changing to Normal POV, mmkay?)

Yuffie stepped back out of the embrace and crossed her arms over her chest again. "Sorry doesn't cut it, Chocobo Crayon!" 'OOOOH sometimes he pisses me off. Better add that to book later… "Reasons Why To Kick Cloud's Butt". NYUCK!'

Cloud closed his eyes a bit at the inventive yet annoying nickname. It was one of many that she had made up. "Then what will?" He asked. He was willing to make amends if it would appease his fiery ninja.

Yuffie's face broke out into a bright grin. Suddenly, Cloud felt a little scared. "For as long I stay here with you guys, I want you to hang out with me, and answer any questions I might have! Okies?" She stared at him intently, hoping that he would accept her offer. It was perfect for getting work on her book done…

Cloud weighed his options… Which were almost non-existent. If he didn't accept it, he knew she would stay around him for quite a while and 'catch up' with Tifa, and fire questions at him as fast as Vincent shot bullets. Which was REALLY fast… She had quite the motor mouth. He sighed. 'I might as well, and if I don't, she'll give me puppy-dog eyes anyway…' The most adorable he was surprised that word was in his vocabulary yet evil look ever was capable from being unleashed by Yuffie, and it was damn well irresistible. He sighed again and then said, "Alright…"

Yuffie jumped for joy again, the chibis had REVIVED themselves- 'Mass phoenix down party maybe' she thought- and were dancing Yuffie-style, and her and themselves let out a loud "W00t! I get to hang with Spiky!" She hugged Cloud again and then let go, beaming. "We are going to have SO much fun! OMFG, Cloud, we can have SLEEP OVERS (Me and Reno: **Grins evilly** Rufus: **Pales** 00), parties, and days where we scare the shit out of everyone by making them think we're on crack!"

"Don't you already do that?" he asked dryly. She grinned. "Yup! And now you're included! Welcome to the games, Spiky!"

"Yay?"

She laughed at the look on his face before grabbing his arm. "Come on! I'm tired, I wanna see Boobs, and I HAFTA GO!"

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing…" She took off, dragging poor Cloud behind her. At last, they were reunited, and now, they would start a journey together, that no one would take them away from. W00t!

* * *

End of Chapter Two

**Rei**: GAH! That ending sucked. AND it's almost three in the morning. But anyway, I hoped you enjoyed this LONGER chapter! I hoped you liked the Cloud and Yuffie interaction, and I know the ladder thing was kinda random, BUT IT WORKED, right? LOL. Anyway, push the magic button… And you'll see more makolicious Cloudy and Yuffums (Kai, you made me say that… somehow. 0.0 LOL.) interaction. Ooooh the funness. I cannot wait. I love writing this story, and I might update sooner than you think… Mwahaha. Until next time.

Rei aka Itsuka Itami (I like that name I devised for myself, Itsuka means someday, Itami means pain… I just felt like it at the time. LOL. And to neone interested, I got a FFVII forum goin'. Check my profile for the link, or PM me for more info.)


	4. Chapter 3: Boobs, Flashbacks & Shopping!

**Rei**: OMFG I love you guys. You're all so kind to me. XD I feel so loved. So here's your update, hope you guys love it. Special thanks to Zero Hakaru for getting me off my lazy ass oo

**NOTE**: Due to my delight in discovering my dad's scanner, I can now do FANART for my story! Most people say I'm pretty good (I dunno about that o.o), but I hope you all like it. I'm going to draw a lot for my story so next time I go to my dad's house, I'm going to scan all my fanart and then save it, and transfer it to my computer and upload it. Most of the scenes will either be from humorous points in the story (that might be a little hard seeing as most of it is humor, lol.), or romantic. Today, I am almost done with a Clouffie picture. It has Cloud wearing his AC outfit and sitting down, and Yuffie (wearing her AC outfit, but the jacket and shorts are in a different shade) has one arm around him and her head lying on his shoulder. (Now everyone, I demand you say: "AWWWW". LOL jk.) Anyway I shall put that up when I put up my other stuff.

**Dedicated to**- (going in order from newest reviews to oldest, that's just how it goes LOL.)

Zero Hakaru (YAY I GET 10 points w00t!), 0utfoxed (Thanks! Glad you liked it and I won't sue you. I have no money.), Rina-chan (Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it XD), Man/Woman of Freedom (Funniest thing? WOW! YAY thanks XD, and lol I see a lot of people liked that part. Here's your chapter!), Sir Yzal (LOL it'll get better I'm sure. And XD thanks!), Monica (GAWD I love you! (No not like that) Your reviews always highlight my day whenever I see them. XD BUDDIES! Hope you like this chapter! **glomp**), Yuffie Leonheart (LOL yes he was. Hehehehe… And yes dedicated to XD but devoted counts too. XD), KitsuneNaruto135 (I told you in a PM, but I don't know myself… o.o But I just do. XD Don't you just love my randomness? XD), Tk Macintosh (AWWW thank you! XD Glad you like it.), Why knot (YAY!), LostxRaine (I adore your reviews! **Glomp** And yes, XD that part made me giggle too. Heheheheheh. I explained the other stuff in my response, but anyway hope you enjoy :D), FLUFFYTIGER (LOL Italian mob member! I can't get over that! And entertaining kids… You crack me up. LOL glad you like it!), Final-Fantasy-Angel9 (Awww thanks!), Kage ( :3 Okay I won't. Hehehe thanks buddy!),

And last but not least… KAWAII EYEZ! (You know what I said. I hope you're all better now! I know what it feels like. **Hugs** Thanks for reviewing! Enjoy)

**Disclaimer**: I don't own them… DAMMIT! I will someday… (Random person: Riiiight… Me: Oh shut up. I can dream, can't I? Random person: No! **casts insomnia on Rei** Me: NOOO!)

* * *

**The Book of Cloud Chapter Three- Boobs, Flashbacks, and Shopping!**

"Speech"

'Thoughts'

_Flashback_

Outside Tifa's Bar-

Cloud's POV (A treat! Here he is again… **Cloud fans go wild** XD)

I walked next to Yuffie, just a little bit behind her but still next to her when we were walking to Tifa's bar when outside the door, she balked.

"Yuff? What's wrong?" I asked, and rested my hand on her small shoulder. The skin beneath it was soft and warm, and her frame was delicate. She shivered a little bit. I hoped my hand wasn't cold.

She let out a sigh. "Do you think Teef will be happy to see me?" She turned to look at me, and her normally happy and bright grayish-brown eyes looked troubled.

I raised my own blonde eyebrows in astonishment. "Why wouldn't she be?" I said, giving voice to my own thoughts.

She blushed a bit, the red color painting her cheeks a nice pink shade. She bit her lip, and looked flustered and half-mumbled half-yelled, "Well it's just that… Erm… WELL it's…" She turned around. "Forget it! But if her giant boobs start squishing me, you'd better save me or I'll be a Yuffie-pancake!"

I blinked. 'I wonder what she wanted to say…' And then said, "I'll save you, but I don't think that would REALLY happen…" (Anything is possible… or so they say. So can you die of suffocation from huge boobs? 0.0 I don't know, and I sure hope not. LOL)

* * *

Inside the Bar- 

Yuffie's POV (Yuffie: IT'S BACK TO ME! W00t!)

'Ugh. If Teef saw me and Cloud like that back there she would've killed me! That's what I was trying to say! Gawd… I just couldn't say it. Stupid Cloud, your hotness makes me go tongue-tied!'

I pushed open the door and the first thing that bubbled to my lips was, "TIFAAAA! I have arrived! It's me, the Great Ninja Yuffie!" All of the bar's inhabitants looked at me like I was one of them! OMFG! Which I was NOT! I am NOT drunk! "Save your applause for later, my drunken friends," I said sarcastically. Some of them rolled their eyes while others whispered something like, "Can you believe that kid?"

'KID!' I was in half a mind to beat the shit out of them! "Those bastards! Why I oughta…!" I was about to attack my newly dubbed 'prey' before I was glomped and greeted with a loud "YUFFIE! I MISSED YOU!"

'OMFG she's even louder than me!' I was practically squished, just like I thought I would be. 'CLOUDY YOU BETTER HELP ME!' My mind screamed before I managed to say, "Tifa… need…air…"

She looked sheepish, and let go. "Sorry…" I added under my breath, "Killer Boobs! You murderer!"

"What was that?" She gave me a weird look.

"I didn't say anything but 'I need air,' and 'I MISSED YOU!'" I explained hastily. 'Heheheheh… NOT. Boobs is a serial killer in disguise! Well I suppose it would be hard to disguise those gigantic boobs of hers… o.o'

She brightened, all suspicion gone. 'OMFG she has mood swings faster than Cloudy! She must be on something… Either that or she must be REALLY happy to see me! YAY!' "My goodness Yuffie, it has been so long!"

I nodded with a smile. "Yea I know. I found Spiky-" Cloud coughed and smiled a tiny bit. "Sorry, I mean CLOUD found me, although I woulda found him first if he wasn't playing 'hero'…" Cloud smiled in satisfaction, that I could see out of the corner of my eyes. If he weren't so damn hot I would've slapped that smirk off his face! But even then, I wouldn't 'cause he's my friend… 'Oooh this is getting me nowhere!'

Tifa smiled, and shook her head a little bit. I bet she's thinking, 'Same old Yuffie'… BUT IT'S NOT TRUE! I have changed a little… I have matured, as I'm sure she can see that… -.- Cloudy too. Although it would take more than my BEAUTIFUL face to get him to admit it… or would it? Nyuck nyuck nyuck.

Tifa beamed at Cloud and me. "I'm so glad to see you Yuffie! I was beginning to wonder if I would have to go to Wutai and take you on that shopping trip I promised you!"

My face paled. 'Shopping…trip?' Then I remembered…

_Time To Enter Another Flashback!_

_Yuffie's POV_

'_OMFG. Where the hell is Tifa? She said she would meet up with me today… And I've been waiting for over three hours!' "GAAAAAAAAH!" I was blowing a gasket, I'm sure. I mean, wouldn't you from sitting on a stupid cramped bench between an old lecherous-looking old man (and no, it's not Cid this time, although it wouldn't surprise me if it WAS) and a weird little kid who was rocking back and forth like he was pretending to be an old lady in her rocking chair! He was mumbling to himself and it was just plain creepy. _

_Finally, Miss Boobs herself bounced (HAHA bounced) up to meet me with a very apologetic look on her face. "Hey Yuff, sorry I'm late! I got held up and-"_

_I jumped up and put my hand on her mouth. "Don't say another word…" I dragged her away from the evil old man and the freaky kid and then I let it all out._

"_TIFA! How could you let me wait so long! MORE THAN THREE HOURS! Sitting in between those two? The little kid must be on drugs or something or maybe he's POSSESSED! He wouldn't shut up about this little ghost girl he met back in preschool- and he sounds like a miniature Vinnie! OMG! And that old man was a pervert! He wouldn't stop starin' at my boobs! He acted as if they were the most fascinating things he had ever seen! EWWWWWWWWW! WHY WERE YOU GONE SO LONG!"_

_Tifa looked a little flustered as she said, "I'm so sorry Yuffie, I was on my way out when Cloud stopped me and asked if we could talk for a bit! I was so happy I forgot and we ended up speaking for over two hours! And then he told me you were waiting for me and that I should go, but then I ran into Denzel and Marlene, and they wanted to play and I couldn't just say NO to them-"_

_I was about ready to kick her ass and cut off her boobs and shove them down her throat! (Me: 00) "TIFA…" I said slowly but deadly._

_She smiled sickly sweet and said, "Yes Yuffie?" Was that a little sarcasm I detected in her voice? 'OH. IT'S ON.'_

"_You have three seconds before I kill you."_

_She yelped a little bit and ran away and I ran after two seconds, as I wasn't patient enough to wait another. "Yuffie I swear I will make it up to you!" She yelled while running away from me, just barely ahead. I whipped out Conformer to help me execute my plan._

"_CAN IT BOOBS! Your jellified so called male-"EYE CANDY" are gonna get turned into chop-suey when I'm done with you!" I swiped at her with my Conformer and barely missed._

_We ran into a dark alley and it was a dead end. 'OH! Time to make my killing blow, nyuck!'_

_She turned around and said with a hasty smile, "Now Yuffie, I promise I will NEVER be late EVER again and you can have a free shopping trip where I pay for EVERYTHING!"_

"_Everything…?" I lowered my Conformer just a bit. _

_She nodded. "On one condition…"_

_I squinted my eyes just a bit. What? It made me look more menacing, I think. Cid said constipated but WHO WOULD LISTEN TO HIM? "What is it?"_

"_I get to pick any clothes if we do clothes shopping." _

'_WHAT! She knows I hate all the freaky girly things she makes me wear!' "NO WAY!"_

"_Then I won't give you my MASTERED Shiva summon materia."_

_At the words 'materia' and 'mastered', my ears perked up. 'THAT'S GONNA BE MINE!' I thought to myself and I poked her in the forehead. "You have yourself a deal! Now gimme the materia!"_

_She sighed and handed it over to me. I relished it and petted it, crooning, "My preciousssssssssssss…"_

_She looked at me strangely and said, "Yuffie, if I didn't know you better I'd say you would be the Gollum person in Lord of the Rings…"_

_I looked at her with an incredulous look. "I SO DO NOT HAVE MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES! OR BI-POLAR DISORDER! Go pick up Robin Hood for that job."_

"_Who's Robin Hood?"_

"_Cough Umm nobody."_

"_Well in any case lets get going…"_

"_I'm still gonna kill you someday Tifa." Tifa didn't say anything. HA!_

_Back to the Fut- I Mean Present_

"Right now?" I squeaked.

She nodded. "Yeah, I can leave the girls in charge." She turned to them and said, "Girls, I'm going to head out for a few hours. Can you take it from here?" They nodded and cried, "Yes Boss!"

"Jeez you have them trained to be at your command or what?" I couldn't help but say. Maybe they were secretly mechanical dolls or something… I saw Boobs as the type to play with dolls as a little kid but THIS… scary. OMFG what if I'm right! EEK.

"Hehehe, it pays to be the one in charge sometimes." She checked her purse. "Ahh, I've got enough gil. How about you Cl-" She saw him trying to slip away inconspicuously. "CLOUD!"

He turned around. He looked a little pale… OMG! I think Cloud's afraid of SHOPPING! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Of course, I am too (only with Tifa though!). WOW, we still have so much in common! This makes me feel a lot better.

"Yes?" He asked, while sounding like he hadn't done anything at all. 'Why can't I do that? Every time I try people automatically assume it's me! **le sob**'

"Where are you going?"

"To the bathroom?" I'm sure Spiky slapped himself on the inside for that one! Even I wouldn't have said that... I think

"The bathroom is inside."

"I know…"

"Then WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

"SPIKY, I hope you're not going NATUREBOY on us… OMFG I did not just want to think of that! BAD IMAGES! IT BURNS!" Well it did in a way but the nature thing scared me. 0o

Every body was veeeeeeeeeeeery silent in the room. I swear I heard crickets chirp. Okay so maybe that wasn't very smart to shout… BUT HE STARTED IT!

Cloud waslike this:"…"

Tifa was very quiet, but then she broke the silence by saying, "Anyway… Cloud you're coming with us, no ifs ands or buts or I will personally force you to."

He sighed and said, "Fine… But I choose my OWN clothing, not you."

Boobs sighed and I grinned to myself. 'He never said me choosing his clothing…! NYUCK!'

"Fine, you win. Lets go everybody!"

* * *

Some Time After Arriving At The Mall of Doom (what Yuffie calls it)- 

Yuffie's POV

OMG. I am so… BORED…! Boobs is trying on some clothes right now, she said she only had 'a few items to get before we get mine done' but she's been in there for HALF AN HOUR. I think Cloudy is getting bored too, his eyebrow is twitching up and down… LOL! It's hilarious. It reminds me of Vinnie when he's pissed, except he's got a gun in his hand, and yeah… RUN AWAY! But Cloudy's not aiming to shoot a certain someone out of his way.

After that moment left, I am still bored. I can't stare at my new shiny materia because after staring at it for 15 minutes my eyes started to hurt… But they were so PRETTY I just had to. Cloud must've thought the enchanting orbs were HYPNOTIZING me from the look on his face.

All of a sudden he looks right at me! My face turns red and my heart beats just a little faster- like the Energizer Bunny beating kind. He asks me, "Do you want to play Tic-Tac-Toe?"

OMFG. Cloud actually… STARTED A CONVERSATION FIRST! **Sniff** I'm so proud of him! "Heck yea! And I'll beat you too!"

He shrugs and says, "Maybe… Maybe not." He took out a pad and pen he had stored in a pocket. WOW! I didn't know Cloud kept that kind of stuff around! Hehehe. Maybe I should write him a note and stick it in his pocket sometime. :3 Well… That's assuming Cloud lets me put my hand in his pants-POCKET! That would've made me sound like a dirty perv! GAH! It's all Reno's fault, I swear!

"I'll be X… you can be O. You go first." I was delighted and put the O in the middle square. "BEAT THAT SPIKY! I'm the MASTER of this game." You know what's the funny thing about Tic-Tac-Toe? XO means hugs and kisses. LOL.

He put the X in the upper left-hand corner. "We'll see." OMG! He's even REPLYING! This really is a revolution in Cloudy's behavior! I should note it in my book.

I put the O right underneath the X. Chocobo-Crayon then put the X at the end of my two-square O-string. 'Crapples!' I stuck the O in the bottom middle square. He put the X in the upper-right hand corner. I just realized that I was cornered. Even if I put it to block one row of Xs I'd still end up losing! I pouted. "Cloudy that was a fluke! I wasn't paying attention."

He only smirked at me, a very smexy smirk I might add. GRRR… But you can't help but loving it. It's just too hot. "Another round!"

He said, "it's on," and made another tic-tac-toe board.

Several losses and wins later, we were evenly matched. "Wow Spiky, looks like we're both on the same level!" I said excitedly. He nodded with a small smile. "I guess so Yuffie."

I was just about to yell for Tifa when she FINALLY appeared. "Hey guys, sorry I took so long, I was trying to find the right stuff."

Ha ha, the right stuff? Meaning, finding something to actually wear without giving the appearance that the bust line had to be altered. But I suppose I didn't really mind, I got to play Tic-Tac-Toe with Spiky! That had to count for something, and I wasn't bored anymore. :3

"So, Teef, what now?" Asked Cloud, while putting away the paper and pen into his pockets, which I eyed with maniacal intent. I have a fascination with Cloud's pants pockets now… Does that sound healthy to some of you? 0.o

I turned my attention back to Tifa in time to see a very devilish look cross her face. She grinned, which looked absolutely FREAKY on her, and said, "It's Yuffie's turn."

Oh HELL no. She's gonna turn me into a MINI BOOBS! NOOOOOO! "Ah- uhm, shouldn't it be Cloud's turn next?" I asked.

"I'm sure Cloud wouldn't mind waiting for you, Yuff. Now in you go!" She practically SHOVED me into the dressing room! Does that not sound like an evil operation 'Turn-Yuffie-Into-A-Mini-Tifa' has commenced! I want OUT. I pounded on the door but it was locked, and the space between the floor and the door and the ceiling and the door was a little too small for me to fit through. 'NOOO! It certainly sounds like she wants to lock me in here…! I knew it! She REALLY IS trying to turn me into a Mini Boobs! Gawd, Aeris I wish you were here to save me! And Cloud has been forced into her evil plan too I bet! To make me off my guard while she shoves me in! Nah, he probably wouldn't do it on purpose. He's a good guy! He's not on the dark side… I think.'o.o

While I was musing an article of clothing landed on my head… And I looked up just in time to see a WATERFALL of clothes fall down on me! "GAH! Tifa are you trying to kill me! I can barely breathe!"

"Sorry Yuffie but these would all look so ADORABLE on you!" She squee'd so loud I swear I heard glass shatter! I picked up some of the clothes, and WHAT THE one of them looks like a friggen doll's dress… only… my size. 'What the heck! I'm a doll now too? I guess I'd better put them on before she has a Sephiroth…'

I discarded the dress because I'd rather not wear that one right away. And plus I know Teef wants me to model… I'd always have to do that for her and Aeri-chan shopping way back then. (Hey, a girl had to have time to shop for new clothes you know. Our outfits got ripped plenty of times so we had to buy replicas… However Aeris never realized that her outfit was not fighting fit --)

I put on the first outfit I could find matched together, a dressy-looking blouse in a nice shade of purple with a white flower on the chest area. It fit comfortably, but not my choice of shirt. I put on white shorts with the same kind of flower print only the purple color was on the flowers, and marching up the sides of the legs of my shorts. I liked the shorts more than the shirt.

I proceeded to try on a lot of evil skirts and some shirts that were disturbingly reminiscent of Tifa's old white top back four years ago, and it made my boobs look bigger. 0.0 'I am NOT ever wearing that!' I threw it over the door and heard with satisfaction as it landed on somebody. I sniggered but then I heard some one say "Yuffie… try not to throw clothes on my head, please." It was CLOUD! I broke down into a fit of giggles. It just sounded really funny… And if only I had a pair of underwear! Now THAT would be funny to see falling on his head! OMG! LOLOLOL! He'd be like the pig Oolong from Dragonball. I can SO see Cloud wishing a pair of panties from the Eternal Dragon… AHAHAHAHA! I laughed out loud and stuffed my fist into my mouth in order to muffle the laughing. It didn't work, because I heard Cloud say, "Uh… Yuff? Are you okay in there?"

"I'm just fine…! **Snigger** Pantyman."

"Panty…?"

"I didn't say anything… **giggle**"

Cloud's response: "…"

I heard Tifa come back as she threw a whole bunch MORE clothes on my head… 'I swear…!' My thoughts were cut off as I heard Boobs say, "Oh my goodness! Cloud, are you running a fever? Your face is so red!"

I burst into laughter. 'CLOUD IS A PANTY MAN! Now if Reno heard that he'd never live it down!'

"Yuffie, did you do something to him? He looks like his 14 year old self when he first learned about…mmph!" Cloud must've stopped her from talking because he whispered, "Don't. Say. Anything." I heard a few loud stomps that left (Cloud's acting like a little boy AWWW X3) from the area. I paused for a moment. ... Okay. Moment's over.

"Learned about what?" I sang as I opened the door, now dressed in something I LIKED. Which wasa light-weight cotton tank top in my favorite shade of green, and the fabric was ribbed. The reason I liked it so much was because it looked exactly like Cloud's black shirt he wore two years ago. I was also wearing army-color pants in green to match, and they had a lot of deep POCKETS! W00t! I love pockets now. The pants had also come with a bunch of criss-crossing belts! OH YEAH! Now I can be Cloudy's twin…er…umm…MATCHING GIRLFRIEND! Or something. Okay, so that was cheesy, but so what? The outfit is sexy.

I forgot to mention that I'm also wearing combat boots in black, all nice and shiny and leathery. They look sorta like Cloudy's too! But why would Tifa give me this? Surely she would give herself this or somethin'… To show her devotion, ya know?

Well anyway, I pranced (yes, PRANCED) out and gave a cheesy grin and a peace sign. "So what do you think?" I asked.

Tifa squee'd VERY loudly and gave me a BIG, bone-crushing hug. "Yuffie you look so CUTE! Now if only your hair was spiked we might have a mini-Cloud!" I punched her lightly in the shoulder. "I'm fine being a Yuffie, but I REALLY like this outfit!" I told her.  
She smiled. "Cloud picked it out for you to 'avoid further boredom' he said."

I laughed a bit. "Hey, speakin' of Spikes, where is he?"

"Oh, he went to go get some clothes for himself… Since he wouldn't let me, you know, get him anything." She pouted a little and crossed her arms.

'He never said I couldn't…' I reminded myself with an evil smile. But then I put a happy smile back on my face. "I'm gonna go say thank you! And the clothes I liked are in the pile to the right." With that I rushed off, inwardly laughing as I heard Tifa cry out "Yuffie!" in exasperation. There was indeed a VERY small pile of clothes I liked, which consisted of only four outfits (out of the 50 she threw me I swear) and six pairs of individual articles of clothing I wanted. 'Too bad Teef, but if you wanna shop for me you got to know what I like best!' I thought to myself. 'Can't blame her for trying though. She cares.'

I soon found the men's section of the store we were in and I knocked on one of closed doors. "Knock knock!" I called in my singsong voice.

"Who's there?" That wasn't Cloud's voice! It was… FEMININE-SOUNDING! AHHH! FEMMEMAN HAS RETURNED TO HAUNT US! (Femmeman is a nickname of mine for Yazoo... oo don't ask)

"Uhm… nevermind." 'I'm not trying that again. O.o'

I walked up to the other remaining closed door and said in my best, deepest, MASCULINE-sounding voice, "Cloud Strife, this is the local Edge Police. Open up now or be forced into Yuffie's slavery!" Okay so the last part gave it away… But I couldn't resist!

"Yuffie, I'm doing something, can you wait?"

"Nu-uh! I need to ask you something… IN PRIVATE…" 'O.O That last part didn't sound too innocent-sounding… okay I really need to get my mind out of the gutter. I wonder if they sell mind-numbing soap around here?'

He opened the door and he was **gasp **SHIRTLESS! (This is for the Cloud people… Enjoy your prize :3) I almost drooled! 'He's got really sexy abs… And arms! Look at those guns! Rawr!'

"What do you need?" At the proximity of his voice, I look up, just a little meekly. I hope he did NOT just catch me staring at him. I blushed a bit, and then I gave him a hug. "Thanks for the cool clothes, Mistah Cloud!" I grinned and then let go with an even bigger blush. And then I finally dared to look at him.

His cheeks… were tinted… RED! 'HOLY SEPHIROTH-HAS-STABBED-MY-INSIDES!' I blinked. And blinked again. Yes, it was THIS shocking.

Finally, I said in almost what I'd like to call a 'ghostly' whisper, "Cloud Strife… Are you BLUSHING?"

He chose not to answer that- 'wise… but not what I wanted!' He said a hurried "you're welcome" and then shut the door.

'WAH! No more shirtless Cloudy! And a blushing Spikes is adorable too. A new brand of color crayon- the 'Blushing Cloud'! OMG!'

Finally I found my voice to speak. "Cloud Strife, answer my question now or admit you are a fake!"

"Excuse me?"

"That's much better now!" I grinned again. Making Cloud ask questions was just plain entertainment! This is definitely going to be fun… Even though I've only spent less than ONE day with Cloud, already things were heating up just a tad. I can't wait to see what will happen as time goes on…!

* * *

End of Chapter Three 

**Rei**: OH. MY. GOD. That must've been the LONGEST chapter I've ever written for The Book of Cloud! I am so proud of myself! **hugs self** And show me your appreciation by reviewing… Please :3 Also, if you've got any questions please feel free to PM me. Thank you! Also, whoever figures out what happened to Cloud as a 14 year old you will either be devoted to in the next chapter OR add an event or something funny to it... I don't know... Something like that :3 Until next time!

Rei


	5. Ch 4: KO'ed, Cookies, and Assorted Evil

**Rei**: Wah I'm so sorry ;-; I've had a lot of crap to do for school and everything else. And I've been a little depressed and had writer's block. I decided to finish the chapter since I already had some done. I hope I can manage to keep the story funny still -.-;

**Dedicated to**- Kawaii Eyez You guessed right! And I luff ya:3 Clouffie forever girl XD

Also, to my reviewers, THANK YOU ALL! I love your reviews. They are inspiring and it pleases me to know I can make some people laugh. If you have any ideas for me or something you want in the fic tell me but so you know I will NEVER do a lemon scene. :O GROSSNESS…

**Disclaimer**: **Scans paperwork** Hmm… nope… According to this contract only Square Enix owns FFVII. Not me. WOE! And I don't own Ebay.

* * *

**The Book of Cloud Chapter Four- KO'ed, Cookies, and Assorted 'Evil'**

"Speech"

'Thought'

Flashback 

In Edge-

Yuffie's POV

'OH YEAH! I can't believe Teef let us off like that. It RULED! I am so glad we took this shopping trip. If it weren't for me making her promise me one and then later actually GOING shopping, then I would never have been riding on the back of Cloud's sexy Fenrir, with my arms around his waist, might I add!'

I felt like a giddy little schoolgirl (cue the high-pitched giggles here), which I wasn't, because I was a NINJA. Anyway, I couldn't believe my luck. It feels like I've died and gone to the Lifestream! Except the Lifestream would never feel this good… 'WHOA!' I can feel Cloud's muscles through his shirt! I think I started drooling… 'Smexy…' I rubbed my nose hastily, because it itched a lot, and was shocked to see blood. 'OH MY GAWD! I have a nosebleed!' It wasn't like I haven't had one of those before but I've never gotten a nosebleed just from sheer contact! I better make sure Cloudy doesn't see me or he'll go all Mother Chocobo on me. o.0

I grabbed my handy handkerchief and wiped my nose with it- keeping in mind that Cloud has mirrors on his bike so I have to be careful. I pinched my nose and waited for a minute or so before sniffling and stuck my now bloody handkerchief in my pocket with a grimace. 'I'm going to need to wash out the blood later. Grossness!'

But anyway, back to Cloudy and I. It was sooo freaking awesome that Teef let us go… What? You don't get it? Fine, I'll show ya!

_Don't cha just love these flashbacks? _

_I, the GREAT Ninja Yuffie was hanging around Boobs –cough- excuse me my BFF Teef because Cloudy wouldn't come back out of the dressing room after the blushing-and-hugging episode. I bet he is secretly in love with me! Either that or he just has to try on more clothes… But I prefer the first one. :3_

_Anyway Teef was mumbling to herself and fiddling with her PHS/cell phone combo (I know they look like cell phones in AC… so lets just say they combined them or something, or just made the PHS' look like cell phones), I think she was waiting for Cloud but having a hard time doing so. HA! Look who's the patient one now!_

_Finally Cloud appeared in his usual black attire **drools** and had his AWESOME shades on (he bought more… I love his sunglasses!). "Are we ready to go?" He asked Tifa._

_Tifa looked up and nodded. "Yes, let's go."_

_So we walked blah blah blah when ALL OF A SUDDEN, we passed by one of Teef's favorite stores… and she squee'd so loud I swear I heard windows shatter. "OH MY GAWD THERE IS A SALE! A SALE! IT'S HALF OFF EVERYTHING!" Her eyes were sparkling… scary._

_'Damn! She'll stay there forever! I can't stand waiting four hours for her to shop!' I nearly wanted to cry. Well, NEARLY. I'm a NINJA! Ninjas don't cry- or at least in public…_

_I looked towards Cloud and I saw the grimace on his face. 'So that makes both of us!' I decided to do something. I walked over to Tifa and gently shook her shoulder. "Oi, Tifa! Can we go…? Please? You can keep doing your shopping while we uh… do something else?"_

_She looked at me, a little sad. "Aww, but Yuffie! There are so many cute things here you could wear! And it's all HALF OFF!" Again with the sparkling eyes! The hell?_

_"We'll do something for ya since we don't exactly want to wait for you. No offense, but come on Teef, we've been shopping for like FOUR FREAKING HOURS already! I don't think Spiky wants to wait much longer either."_

_At the mention of Cloud she sighed. "Okay, okay. You guys go ahead- BUT would you mind making dinner and some cookies? And closing up the bar? I think I'm going to plan a party for a reunion of everyone in AVALANCHE."_

_At the word 'party' all of the Yuffie Chibis (explanation given later… who doesn't have a mini image of themselves in mind? **Crickets chirp** …) gasped and cheered. "I'll do it!" I stuck one fist up into the air when I said that- "OH YEAH!" and then looked at Cloud. "What say you Sir Spikehead?"_

_Cloud blinked- I know he did because he scratched the back of his head, like he normally does whenever he feels a little hesitan- or confused- and said in his oh so sexy voice, "Sure."_

_'W00T!' I grinned and waved. "See ya Teef!" Then I grabbed Cloud's arm and pulled him away, ignoring everyone say "YUFFIE!" and then I stopped after a minute and turned to Cloud. "Umm… where did you park your Fenrir?" I was such in a hurry to be away from Tifa (no offense or is it?) so that I could spend my own time with Cloud when I forgot where his damn motorbike was._

_And to further embarrass me he LAUGHED! Laughed at me I say! I pouted and felt a whole bunch of heat pour into my cheeks. 'Damn it.' "Don't laugh at me!" I told him, crossing my arms._

_He smiled a bit. "I won't. It's this way." Then he proceeded to show me where it was…_

_Which Brings Us Back To Me!_

Well anyway, I am here with my precious Squishy. And he shall be my Squishy. Oops, wrong name. He is my precious Spiky, and he will be mine. And he will be my Spiky. MWAHAHAHA- "OW!"

"Sorry about that," he told me over his shoulder apologetically. 'OW!' I put one hand over my nose.

"GODDAMNIT Cloud! That hurt!" I moaned (pathetically, might I add). 'IT BURNS!' I rubbed my sore nose and made sure it wasn't broken, which it wasn't- which was good. "The hell did you stop so suddenly for?" I asked him.

He pointed to a goose that was waddling across the street. 'Awww… that's so SWEET! But I didn't know there were geese in Edge… weird.' My anger faded quickly; he was so cute with that apologetic look on his face. :3

I smiled at him- suddenly my nose didn't hurt so much. "Aww, its okay Spiky, I forgive ya. You know, that was really nice of you…" I was acutely aware that he was staring at me through all of this and I felt my face heat up a little. "Umm… Try to warn me before you do that again, okay?"

He nodded and smiled a little sheepishly, before saying "sorry" again and turned around. We started to go again and I sighed. 'Hopefully he won't add that to his big old guilt list he has around- I KNOW he has one- because it wasn't a big deal. My nose doesn't hurt as much anymore, yesh!'

The rest of the time flew by pretty quickly- with us both staying in comfortable silence. We didn't really say anything more, and yes, gasp now, for I hadn't said ANYTHING since the cat incident! I can be quiet when I want to be, you know. And I think Cloud welcomed the absence of my words because everything else was pretty loud and I was just adding to it so… I stopped talking. …Wipe that look off your face, now, I demand it! I'm a nice girl, aren't I?

We pulled up right outside Tifa's new bar- Final Heaven or something like that- I forgot what Teef named it, and if she REALLY named it after her move I think that's a little self-centered, don't you? I don't really go around naming things 'All Creation', but whatever. XD At least Final Heaven sounds sorta cool.

Cloud got off his bike after he took out the keys and stuff. I lightly stepped off and smiled at him like I always do- and took his hand, hesitating a little I did so. Okay, maybe so I seemed like a freaking pre-schooler, but I happen to like holding hands. One of my little secrets… Guess it's not so secret anymore though. A lot of people know girls like to hold the hands of their crush/love interest! Or at least some people do. Oh shut up. Cloud's hand is VERY nice and warm.

When he didn't pull away, I smiled a little wider. "Come on, Cloud, let's go do what Tifa told us to do! Or else she'll kick our butts- not that she can kick our butts though. We're awesome! I've always wanted to try a team attack against her. We should do that sometime!" I pushed open the door and was greeted by the sight of Teef's slightly homey-looking bar, and waltzed (not really) in.

* * *

(Switching to Normal POV)

"Spyoo, my friends! Your number one Ninja is back, along with AVALANCHE's REAL leader Cloud!" Yuffie projected. Everyone stared at her a bit, while Cloud was silent, but secretly laughing on the inside. If Barret heard that he would probably blow up. (… 'Cause all of the blood would rush to his head and he's getting angry and let's just say Marshmallow man blows up from all the 'heat' XD)

Yuffie obviously expected a greeting back, but got none. 'How rude! They could at least say something! …' She remembered the incident back at the Gold Saucer and then thought again. 'Never mind that comment… But they could at least say hello!' Finally she sighed and then let go of Cloud's hand and sat at the bar counter on one of the swivel stools. 'Man I LOVE these things! Not as much as I love Cloudy though.'

She didn't see the flicker of unrest pass through Cloud's eyes, as he was actually… dare he think it, 'comfortable' holding Yuffie's hand. It had also felt… right. Like it belonged there- but that was ridiculous, right? But it DID feel nice… 'What am I thinking? This is Yuffie…!' (DENIAL:3)

Yuffie told the waitresses that Tifa said for the bar to close early, and they did their stuff, and despite the protests of the bar's customers, kicked them out. Yuffie was impressed- 'hardcore! But I still think they're robots…'

Soon the girls left and Yuffie was spinning on the bar stool. It was lots of fun- but soon she got that too-familiar feeling of nausea and she stopped immediately, but hit her head on the counter too hard. All the chibis had flown somewhere in the recesses of her mind- probably to toss their cookies, what she felt like doing- 'but I LOVE my cookies… we're going to bake some!' She rubbed her forehead and then was aware that Cloud was staring at her again. 'What's with him and staring?' His gaze read that he either wanted to laugh at her… or he was concerned for her. She raised a hand and mumbled dizzily, "I'm okay… just gotta gather my little chibi sides…" (If you haven't figured it out then the chibis are all representing something or a side of Yuffie. Like different emotions, but there is a lot of them and they're all different.)

Cloud raised an eyebrow, though he was already used to that. "Anyway… are you sure you're okay?" He was concerned about her physical and especially her mental health. Sometimes she made him wonder…

All of the Chibis came back except for the timid/shy side- she accidentally locked herself in Yuffie's mind closet filled with the perverted magazines of Yuffie's naughty side. 'This will not go over well… I think I need some mental help. I see little people!'

All of a sudden Cloud appeared very close to her. Yuffie jumped back and accidentally burst out saying, "LITTLE PERSON!" And then she clamped her hands over her mouth. 'Aw dammit.'

Cloud was now convinced that a few screws had been knocked loose in that odd brain of hers. He was tempted to ask if she was really okay but decided to say this: "I know I'm not that tall compared to other men you know, but you're even smaller than me. So that would make you a toddler." For added effect, he ruffled her hair and laughed on the inside as Yuffie bristled.

"I'm not THAT little- you're just bigger than me and my head hurts and-" then she blinked, like a deer caught in the headlights. 'Oh my gawd… did Cloud just do what I think he did?' "OMG Cloud, did you just make a joke- or at least something like one! WOW I gotta write that down before I forget!"

He shook his spiky blonde head as Yuffie scribbled it down after finding some paper and a random pencil. 'I should put this in my book as proof that Cloud finally remembered how to joke! He must've gotten it from me. ;3 I am SUCH a good influence.'

After she was finished she stuck the piece of paper in her pocket (:3) and they walked into the kitchen. Yuffie stared at the pots and pans hanging from the ceiling and shivered. "Leviathan, how can Teef hang those up there! It's a hazard. They could fall on you and give you a concussion!" (That's what I think too… o.o never trust those hanging kitchen utensils!)

Cloud shook his head and said, "You're just paranoid Yuffie."

She pouted. "I am not. Just don't go cryin' to me when you've got a lump the size of Tifa's boobs on your precious noggin from falling kitchenware!" She paused after a few seconds. "But maybe if you're lucky, I'll kiss it better." To add effect she gave a mischievous smile and blew him a kiss before opening the cabinet to look for some ingredients for the cookies. She gave herself a mental slap. 'I sounded retarded! Oh well. If he DOES get a bump I would still kiss it better.' "Now… where is the sugar?"

Meanwhile, Cloud was scratching the back of his head. A tinge of red threatening to give him away, he couldn't help but wonder if she was actually being serious. Then came the ridiculous thought of what it would be like to be kissed by Yuffie. But then he berated himself because he already KNEW… wait… 'That was on the cheek. …Why am I even thinking about this!' (Cloud is SO blushing right now ;3 XD)

Yuffie saw it was up on a higher shelf and then stretched her arm forth, but still wasn't able to reach it. A black gloved hand reached up and got it for her. A large sweat drop appeared on the back of her head and she flushed a little. "Thanks Cloudy!" He handed it to her, apparently over with his little bout of confusion.

"You're welcome," he told her. Then he asked, "What else do we need?"

She racked her memory and then let out a loud "AHA!" and speedily grabbed some eggs, sugar, brown sugar (for added sweetness), chocolate chips, baking powder, and other stuff and set it on the counter. She reached for the flour on a high shelf and grabbed a corner, but soon realized that wasn't a smart idea and it toppled over and dragged her arm down with it (it was a BIG sack of flour) and she accidentally let go of it.

Cloud tried to grab it but he missed and then it landed on the ground with a loud "BOOM" sort of noise and a gigantic flour cloud formed from the ruined bag.

Yuffie coughed several times and waited for the cloud to subside, and in the mean time looked around the now frosted white kitchen. Flour lay in sometimes inches thick in the spots nearest to them, and she nearly swore- "SHIT!" okay now she swore. "DAMN Cloudy! Teef is gonna kill us!" She wailed, and turned to Cloud. Before you know it, she was on her ass laughing it off or pretty close to it. She pointed at him and tears were running down her cheeks, leaving trails of now-exposed skin. "OMFG Cloud, you look like a GHOST! Or a SNOW ANGEL! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

Indeed he did. It completely covered up all the golden blonde spikes and he now looked very pale, and his clothing was completely white, except for a smudge on his butt that Yuffie had yet to notice.

He swore under his breath. "It's not funny Yuffie…" But she started to laugh even more, and the more he tried the more she laughed and finally he sat on the counter and mumbled, "I give up."

She finally calmed herself after a few minutes and sat on the counter next to the pouting Cloud. "Awww! It's okay! If it makes you feel any better, you make quite the cute ghost." She grinned, a hint of a blush threatening to give her away.

He smiled a tiny bit- to which this Yuffie swooned- before saying, "We'd better clean this up…" And got off the counter, Yuffie following, but landing ungracefully due to all the flour and hit the counter pretty hard with one foot. The pots and pans clattered and shook and one that had been hanging on just barely…

…Fell and landed with a loud "BLAM" on Cloud's head. A resounding echo tang reverberated around the room for a few seconds as the two stood there.

Yuffie's eyes widened to the size of chocobo eggs (and DAMN those are big XD jk) and Cloud blinked a few times in a daze, before starting to fall. Yuffie shrieked out a "SPIKY!" and managed to grab his arm before he fell on her unconscious. Yuffie didn't expect his weight and fell onto the ground with Cloud on top, making her feel very flustered and a bit ashamed.

'DAMN! Gawd, poor Cloud is friggen unconscious! And it's my entire fault! But part of it is Teef's… if only she hadn't hung those there. I KNEW THEY WERE DANGEROUS! If my Cloud gets amnesia or a concussion I'm gonna kill myself! And GAWD! He's so heavy! Must be all those yummy muscles he's got.' At that thought Yuffie wanted to drool, but wouldn't dare do so on him.

'Okay… How am I gonna get him off me?' She wondered. If it had been any other time she'd probably be ecstatic but not right now- Cloud was going to have a hell of a headache when he woke up and she didn't want him to get angry at her- 'even if it was mostly my fault!'

She slowly pulled herself out from underneath him, and after a few minutes grabbed his arm and set it over her shoulders. She also encircled one arm around his waist as best as she could, and blushed as Cloud's head was resting on her back. 'I've never done this before. He'd better thank me for dragging his sexy ass later!'

A couple of heaves and swearing later, they made it to the hall. But once Yuffie realized Cloud's room was up the stairs… "AH FUCKING HELL!" She nearly wanted to cry, but didn't. "I'll show the effing stairs I'm so much stronger than they are!' And so began the long stairs episode.

She nearly fell down the stairs many times with several, VERY close calls. Most of them being her almost falling backward OR falling on the stairs and trying to crawl up with Cloud on her back.

When she got to the top she kissed the ground several times and cried, "THANK YOU LEVIATHAN!" And then turned to the stairs and shook her free fist at it. "AHA! Take that you dirty bastard! You and the ladders will NEVER defeat the Great Ninja Yuffie!"

(I wonder why Cloud hasn't woken up from all that noise… XD)

And now she went into Cloud's room and gently set him down (or as gently as she could), with his upper body resting against the bed. She looked at their clothes and winced. 'Okay, I should probably get him some clothes to wear… I hope he doesn't mind me going through his drawers. It's NOT like I'll find a dairy in them or something! I swear Twinkletoes has one but he would never let me read it saying 'it's a journal' because it supposedly sounds more MANLY, but it sounds fruity if you ask me. But we'll still love him!'

'Okay, getting off topic. Clothes. Cloudy's clothes. Does he have a closet? A closet of dark sec- GAH I need to stop doing that!' She peered around the room and opened a door, finding it led to a bathroom. 'OMG! I have to know what kind of shampoo he uses to make his hair smell so good… AFTER we get clothes,' she reminded herself.

She found his regular outfit in a drawer and squee'd. 'OMG he DOES have copies of these! They're so freaking awesome!' She took one out and then set it on the bed next to Cloud, and blushingly grabbed a pair of boxers with her eyes closed. She warily opened one and nearly DIED of laughter. 'HOLY CHOCOBO BOXERS!' They were SO cute and had mini chocobos on it. 'Oh MY I MUST know where he got these! They're adorable!' She laughed and then stifled it when she heard him starting to awaken. 'So soon? He looked so hot when he was asleep… Not that he wasn't when he was awake!' She quickly hid the boxers between the folds of his clothing and waited for him to wake up.

Cloud groaned, 'damn my head hurts…!' It turned out that Yuffie was right after all. Speaking of Yuffie, she was right in front of him. 'Wait, why am I in my room?' He thought when he saw the familiar blue painted walls of his room.

Yuffie gave him a hug. "OMG Spiky are you okay! You know I TOLD you those metal things are dangerous! I'm sorry for making it fall on you though… But still! I dragged your sorry ass up here and I hope you're grateful, 'cause your muscles are HEAVY!" She pulled back and then jumped to her feet. "But you know, since I'm such a GREAT ninja I managed to bring you out of the kitchen and up the stairs all by myself! No easy feat I add, but not too much for me!" She gave him a peace sign and grinned.

He smiled a little but then frowned. He saw the clothes and then he nearly let out a scream. "Yuffie… you went through my DRAWERS?"

She jumped back a foot and held up her hands. "Oi, oi, oi! I was just helping, and your clothes are pretty much frosting by now so I thought you needed it! And before you ask, I didn't see ANYTHING! Honest!"

'Right…' Was the thought going through Cloud's mind. He sighed and then stood up, trying to ignore the throbbing pain on his spiky-haired head. 'I really need to talk to Tifa about those damn pots and pans…' He grabbed the clothes and murmured, "I'm going to take a shower. And thanks…"

Yuffie grinned- 'he THANKED ME! OMFG!' and nodded. "I'll go start cleaning up I guess… And you're welcome!" She turned to walk away while Cloud headed towards the bathroom and closed the door behind him. She stood at the doorway to the hall and snickered. "Chocobo boxers would look VERY cute on you Cloud…"

"…WHAT!" A restrained slightly un-manlyish scream came from Cloud's room and Yuffie paled but giggled.

"JUST KIDDING!" She swore she heard the door was being opened and quickly lied. "I saw some at the mall! I thought they would look cute on you! GAWD! Overreact, why don't ya!"

She walked out and thought she heard some swearing but ignored it. "I love you too Cloud, love you too!" She grinned and then hummed a cheerful tune as she walked out to the kitchen. 'Damn, we are in so much trouble for this… but it was worth Cloud thanking me, and getting to see those boxers. ...I wonder how much it's worth on Ebay?' XD

* * *

**End of Chapter Four **

**Rei**: FINALLY DONE! I hope I don't end up not updating for so long again. If I do I give you ALL permission to nag at me until I do. XD I hope you like it! I love hearing from you guys. :333


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